Are You Friends?

Many say that, the global village has brought us closer as people and has opened us up for better connections. Is this really the case? 

Personally I don't think so. 

So many people no longer want deep relationships, they only want a bigger "followership". A lot more  are also not interested in the relevance or truth of their opinion, as long as they get likes, it suffices. 

Facebook and other social networks are popular because it provides just what people want now: more connections with no emotional attachments. Friendship that is so superficial that, all it takes to break it off is a click! We prefer an avenue that provides the cloak of anonymity and fuels people's deep seated desire to be nasty without consequences. 

Take a little time out and think about these;

How many of your "friends" on facebook will you recognise on the street? How many have you spoken to or shook hands with? How many will come to visit you at the hospital? How many would you go to see if they are in need? 

I believe the reason so many people still feel alone and lost even in the midst of a crowd and thousands of virtual "friends" is because we want the benefits of real friendship without the emotional, psychological and mental investment. An update a day cannot replace a genuine heartfelt check up. A devotional broadcast is very different from an affectionate good morning and how are you?. A real smile and a hug is so much better than a million virtual ones. 

I'm not saying don't make virtual friends. In fact I recommend it. It is still one of the best ways to become socially adept. However, if you are really interested in creating real and genuine connections, go beyond the social media space. Do the actual work of building friendships by investing emotionally and physically in the people. The natural principle of sowing and reaping can't be broken. If you don't sow genuine commitment, you can't reap genuine affection. 

Do the work. Build. It is still the only way. 

Think on these things.... 

~Dr. Samuel Tinagyei

Optometrist, Mental Health Advocate and Certified Master Coach.

First Impressions Are Great, Lasting Impressions Are Even Better.

First impressions are Great, Lasting Impressions Are Even Better.

Lots of people are very concerned about first impressions. Yes. They should rightly be. After all, research on the issue indicates that people basically reach a conclusion on whether they like you or not in about one tenth of a second upon meeting you for the first time. Subsequently, first impressions determine whether you get a second chance or not. So yes, it is very important to make the best possible first impression. But what happens afterwards?

Unfortunately lots of people just focus so much on first impressions and simply forget about lasting impressions. It is quite common especially in Ghana, to have lots of people or businesses treating you like royalty on the first interaction and then treating you like trash subsequently. It looks like after they get your business or make your acquaintance, the love quickly evaporates like soap bubbles in sunlight.

Politicians are so polite when they come asking for your votes and then promptly use police dispatch riders to push you out of the way after they win. It appears that, all that matters to most people is to make a good first impression without any consideration for a lasting impression. This is why most people and businesses are not able to stay on top for long or easily fade away after a brief period of time. They fail to earn loyalty.

First impressions are very powerful. In fact a  bad first impression can extremely affect the way something is perceived for a long time. However a good lasting impression goes beyond perception. It creates confidence, devotion, trust and loyalty. A good lasting impression is created by a commitment to the maintenance and even enhancement of quality and reliability. A good lasting impression says, I'm not just in for a quick sale or a little profit. I'm in for a lasting relationship. That's how loyalty and commitment are created. A good first impression may give you an enthusiastic customer but a good lasting impression will give you a loyal partner and client. These are the people who become your fans, tribe and family.

So the next time you set out to make a good first impression, remember to follow it up with a good lasting impression. That's how you turn strangers to family.
~Dr. Samuel Tinagyei

Are You Guarding Your Circle of Influence?

Let me ask you a question. What happens when your best friend or your favorite person accidentally drops a drop of deadly poison in your mouth? Did you just say, you will die? Wow. OK. How about if the love of your life or your most respected family member does the same thing? You will still die? Even if they love you deeply? Hmm. I see. So it doesn't matter what the intentions are, if someone feeds you poison, there will be death. So why do you allow just anyone to enter into your circle of influence and poison your most precious dreams and vision?

I believe the most critical skill a vision carrier must master is the ability to navigate the quagmire of hypocrisy, discouragement and self seeking selfishness disguised under the canopy of "friendship" and "concern".  He or she also needs the alertness to steer clear of the land mines of dream killing and mediocre detractors whose complete mentality is to bring others down to their limit; the barest floor. A vision carrier must be as gentle as a dove, but as cunning as a serpent in order to carry their dream to full term.

I will say this again and again. You have to be extremely careful about the people you allow into your innermost circle. The ones you allow to have an influence on you, your goals and your plans. The ones you tell your dreams to. Some are only there and appear to support you as long as you don't DO ANYTHING BIG or AMBITIOUS. Try anything that intimidates their mediocre mentality and they will discourage you! They will come in the skin of looking out for your safety whilst all the want is to make sure you don't move too quickly or too far away from them. Since they don't want to feel like failures, they will keep you down with them under the pretense of worrying about you. Remember the story of the African crabs in a bucket?

Also stay away from fair weather friends. Guard your sanity and your destiny.

Instead, look for dream builders and vision helpers. Look for path lighters and catalysts of success. They are the ones who will become your support systems, your enablers and constituents. Guard your inner space very diligently.

-Dr. Samuel Tinagyei 

The Entrepreneurship Lie?

I was looking for a nice story to begin this article with but I digress. The situation is too dire to start with entertainment so I will go about it like how we administer an injection to an adult. Fast and swift and hopefully only briefly painful. Bear with me. 

You have to throw away all the romantic origin stories you have heard about Great ideas and companies. Yes, some of the stories actually sound like fairytales especially those made into best selling books, docu series and movies. That is television and showbiz. Do this instead. 

Research extensively and read lots of verified and accurate biographies and memoirs. Read verified articles and lots of different books. I guarantee that, you will be delivered from your "pie in the sky" illusions.

The kind of hard work, networking, PURE LUCK, privilege, bias, unexplained grace, shenanigans and what nots involved will make you born again in your mind. Look, you are probably not going to experience a Eureka moment and come up with the next multi billion dollar company or discover the next miracle drug in your dream or you might. I don't know. But I can assure you that, you will probably go through thousands of half baked and ridiculous ideas and so many roadblocks that it will make your head spin and ache.

It is going to take sweat, grit, stubbornness, perseverance, giving up and coming back up, getting depressed and even suicidal, experiencing deep pain and hopelessness, sleeping scared and having nightmares and so many other things most speakers or resource persons won't tell you.

This isn't a pessimistic post and I have nothing against motivational speaking or speakers. I would like to think I am one myself. However, I wish we would do more work with research and tell the real and exact things people did to become successful not just the stuff that makes for nice sound bites. I fear we are creating a breed of entitled "wannapreneurs" who expect wealth and fame with the minimal amount of effort, energy and time. The inaccurate and mostly incomplete presentation of Entrepreneurship as a magic bullet and solution to all our woes as a nation is doing more harm than good. 

Another group that also unconsciously push the Entrepreneurship Lie are successful business people who are invited to speak or talk about Entrepreneurship because of their "experience". Whilst some of them use personal experiences and examples as universal laws and doctrines, others just sugar coat the truth in the bid to be seen as inspirational and probably optimistic. Those who try to be real end up teaching popular principles because it is easier. This is because most people do not journal or record their business journeys. In only looking retrospectively, successful people are more likely to focus on the feel good and tangible parts because as strange as it sounds, lots of successful people do not actually know EXACTLY why or how they got successful. Since they can't teach Luck, privilege, bias and other things that are very important parts of their successes, they list popular principles and techniques that can make for good media.

Does that mean we shouldn't read books, watch these videos or listen to these speakers? NO, Not at all. In fact, it is because of these resources that others are able to also achieve successes and learn from their mistakes . All I am saying is that, there is always more ice below the water surface than we see. These resources are a very important part of preparing for our own opportunities but lots of the intangibles can only be found by actual Doing. Action is the engine of success. 

See it this way. The resources are the software, taking action is adding the hardware. One without the other is incomplete. If you don't like reading, you will just extend the length of time you will suffer and hit your head against walls. On the other hand, if you just read books, listen to speakers and don't DO the work itself, you will keep going round and round getting frustrated and annoyed with yourself. 

So what should you do?

Read the books, take the inspiration and DO THE WORK. Pay your dues with your sweat and dirt. You are going to have to endure tough times, depression, pain, failure and lots of stress and long periods of stagnation.

I just wrote this to let you know that, the stress is not because you are on the wrong path, it is because you are actually on the right path.

Entrepreneurship is not a fantasy or a fairy tale but without entrepreneurs, the world would have probably ended by now. It is hard and dirty work. I won't sugarcoat it. However the rewards can be very great too. It is a calling and not just an option. If you are called into being one, stay the course. Keep the faith and grind. You are in good company.

If not, don't come and "kill yourself" 😂. Polish your CV and go get a good job. There is nothing wrong with being a successful and fulfilled employee. Don't let anyone deceive you.

Life is lived once, make sure you are doing what you want to do and not what others say you should do. Kudos to all the young entrepreneurs who grind it out everyday in this country and continent. You are the real Honorable, Excellencies, Celebrities and Role models. You rock.

~Dr. Samuel Tinagyei

Optometrist, Mental Health Advocate, Certified Master Coach, Author and Speaker. 

Are You A Visitor In Your Own Neighborhood?

Recently some incidents happened in my neighborhood that got me thinking about how my neighbors perceived me, that is even if they recognized me as their neighbor. Apparently someone was reported to the police and got arrested for breaking into his own house. After the issue was resolved, it came out that, this person had lived in the neighborhood, but never interacted or spoken to any of his neighbors before. One day he lost his keys and decided to break into his house. When the neighbors saw a "strange" person breaking into a house, they rightly called the police. At another time,    someone offered me a lift and on our way, we realized that we lived three houses apart. We were neighbors and I had no idea. I was almost a visitor in my own neighborhood.

Most of us have stayed in places for a while now and yet have not ventured 5 houses on either side of our houses before. Others have taken the same route to work for over 5 years, and have never tried another route before. Some people have not spoken to over half of the people on their contact lists in over a year and yet, still call them friends. We are excited by the number of likes and followers we have on social media and yet, do not even know 10 people on a personal level. 

Some people have never struck up a conversation with a fellow passenger on a bus before. We have become numbed by our daily routines and waddle through life like automatons programmed to go to work, come back home and repeat every day with no detours. The worst part are those who only see their children on weekends. They are so busy working that, they have become visitors even in their own homes. 

As a society, we have become tuned off. It is just about us, our work and sometimes our families. We are living and yet have never really lived a day before. We look without seeing, touch without feeling and listen without hearing. We are alone in the middle of several crowds and live our lives missing out on wonderful human interactions. 

Mind you I am not oblivious to the dangers we experience everyday from strangers but forming healthy human connections cannot be over emphasized. 

So what should you do?

Slow down and take stock of your life. What are your priorities? Do people matter to you? Family, friends, neighbors, church? If they do then do these things. 

Start conversations with regular commuters you meet daily. Make time to get to know your neighbors. 

Listen to the sounds around you and allow the wind to blow in your face. Attend PTA meetings. Get to know the parents of your children's best friends and classmates.  Stop rushing off after church services and talk to your fellow church members some time. Invite friends over for dinner once in a while. Deliberately set a definite time to hang out as a family. Have meals together. Play with your children. Ask them about school and actually listen to them. 

Grow and Nurture relationships. Don't just exist, Live. Remember, your best and most significant assets will always be people. Don't be a stranger in your own neighborhood. 

By Dr. Samuel Tinagyei