by Anthony Afum Awuah
The bible then clearly at this point shows us the way
forward. Jesus points to the fact that an intention alone is not enough. The
fact that a person intends to be there for you and love you is not enough. Once
Paul said that which I will I am unable to do but that which I eschew I find
myself doing them. God acknowledging that man needs a standard made it very
clear in His word what qualifies to be love in His standard.
God after he created Adam said it was not good for man to be
alone. He didn’t create Eve before concluding it was not good for man to be
alone. You have to create yourself before you give in to the need to
accommodate another person in your life as a man. Love is responsibility and
all that drama that comes with it is just a benefit. Educate yourself, find
something meaningful to do and earn a livelihood. Build yourself in the Lord
and make time to commit fully to the work of God before you introduce the
concept of a better half in your life. I am sure God’s opinion is clear on
that. It just doesn’t happen with time so don’t use years as a yardstick or a
cut-off point to decide when you are ready. Like love, ageing is just a
biological process and doesn’t reflect on good character or judgement as afore
mentioned in the earlier article. An emotionally matured person who has built
good practices and healthy habits can handle another person even with their
flaws.
Whereas our emotions dictates to us to find the perfect
person that will make us feel on top of the world and priceless, the word of God
is clear that relationships like marriage though beneficial in the area of
warmth and companionship has an original intention. This is to extend the love
of God to another in God’s will. Getting the support that you need in life for
your vision and a man or woman who will be there for you all the time is just a
benefit that can induce a biological reaction that makes one happy should the
other party play their role meticulously well. But the original intention of
God especially for marriage goes beyond that. He knows very well that it can
make or unmake you so He has made very strict provisions in His word for your
own good.
Does it mean they are lying if they tell us they love us?
No it doesn’t mean the man or woman is lying. In fact they
may be willing to do all they can to make us happy. This doesn’t mean that they
will be willing to do all they can to fulfill the God given mandate for their
position. He intends to be there for you but can he stand when the going gets
tough. Moments of inspiration and truth in intentions are important but what
will make a man or woman stay by his partner for better or worst is character
but not romance or love like we know it.
Can they abuse or cheat and still love us?
Well I am going to stick my neck out and say for a fact
that, it is absolutely possible for your spouse to beat you, humiliate or
embarrass you and still love you. Kofi has never cheated on his wife. He has a
vivid imagination of what his family should be like and his role in it. He has
zero tolerance for any form of non-compliance or disrespect. When Ama, his
troublesome wife offends him, his temper flares and he teaches her a lesson. By
the time he is done, Ama needs stiches. He feels sorry and pampers Ama. He has
issues but he loves his wife and family. Ama loves her husband Kofi very much.
When she is angry she throws tantrums regardless of where they are and insults
the man publicly. She sometimes hoots at him in public and humiliates him. Yet
it is on record without a shadow of doubt that she loves him dearly.
Cheating is marked by lack of self control and a willingness
to indulge in games but not necessarily lack of love. Most men who cheat just
want to have fun but do not do so because they don’t love their good wives.
This doesn’t hold for all men though.
Love is not what prevents people from doing the worst to
you. It is character and the fear of the Lord that will prevent people from
doing the worst that comes into their mind. I believe that the woman in the
house should always respect her man but submission should be earned by the man
through sacrifice. When as a man you don’t work hard to provide for your
family, you lose your place as the head of the home.
How come love doesn’t even count when it comes to choosing a
life partner?
When a man of character finds a “wife” loving her is the
easiest thing to do. When a woman of character finds a “man” after God’s own
heart, loving him is the easiest thing to do. I know by now I am sounding
controversial. If we can manipulate most of our biological reactions in our
body then attraction and intimacy can be manipulated to suit our needs. Why do
you think that even married men can be seduced? We will be attracted to more
than one person in life and when you are a man well you are looking at hundreds
and thousands based on your preference but you will chose only one to have a
life with. Chemistry as we call it; attraction and intimacy is good but that is
not enough. We may not be in control of
who we are attracted to, but we have to choose who to spend our lives with not
on love as we know it.
A person’s character determines to a larger extent his
actions and the actions of your partner will determine to a larger extent
whether you will feel loved or not. So for a woman you are looking for a hard
working humble and protective man who can multitask as a father and a husband
that cheers you up whenever. For a man you are looking for a woman with a lot
of emotional control and maturity. Who places priority on respecting you the
way you understand in accordance with the word of God. Solomon knew them and
mentioned one day that it is better to live on a roof top than to live with a
broiling wife. She may love you the most but you can’t live with her. Peter
after everything he said to Jesus denied him publicly with oaths and swearing.
Sister, you don’t need a man like that. You need one who does exactly as he
says. This is based on character and not love as we know it.
How do I make the choice?
Making a life choice that will affect the outcome of an
entire generation of a family and beyond requires you to go by the books (word
of God). If you are a woman that have more than one man in mind to choose from?
It can be very tricky. You don’t choose the one that loves you the most out of
the lot; you choose the one with the best character in accordance with the word
of God. Good character is built on fear of the Lord and not level of spiritual
astuteness.
Likewise if you are a man who wants to choose a wife, you
are not looking at which of the candidates you are interested in, loves you the
most but rather which of them have the best character. Once you have the most
beautiful woman, she ceases to be beautiful once you have her. She is no longer
prettier than the woman passing by because you already have her. But once you
have the most substantive woman who qualifies to be the biblical wife. You will
always see the beauty in her that no one sees.
Life is too precious to leave your testosterone, oxytocin,
beta endorphins and other hormones to make the most important decisions for
you. A good man has a Life; He sustains himself and is hard working. He
respects authority and is very humble. He has a good sense of humor and
respects you. He tolerates your weaknesses but never condones your immaturity
and selfishness. He puts you in your place when you are wrong yet holds you in
his arms with such love. He makes the best of you and builds you. Every time
spent with him makes you a better person and not just a problem solver. He
makes you feel involved and in charge. He makes you a priority among women. Such
qualities will make a woman feel loved all the days of her life, the funny
thing is that his 6 packs, charms, and depth of love as we know it today had
nothing to do with it.
A good woman is very respectful and humble. She is very hard
working and good at chores. She understands your emotional needs. She doesn’t
allow her emotions to cloud her judgment. She is able to multitask as a mother
and a wife. She knows her place in the home and fulfills her responsibility.
She is hardworking and ambitious. She creates a haven out of the home given to
her to take charge off. She is a confidant and cheerful. A trust worthy person
who has control over her tongue.
These are qualities that are built on character, good
judgement and fear of the Lord and not built on how much the person loves you.
Love as we know it today may intend the action but delivery is in the
character. Either it is there, they can and will build it or it’s not there.
In conclusion hope is not lost. Just a strict reminder that love
as we have always known it regardless of the benefits is wrong and simply a reduced
biological process that can be manipulated at any point in time.
Love is not the feeling that has been aforementioned to be
determined by cascade of catalytic reversible molecular reactions induced by a
cocktail of hormones devoid of character, good sense of judgment and the fear
of the Lord.
Love is doing what you have been told to do per God’s word
regardless of external influences and indices. Paul was very clear when he
wrote is infamous letter on it.
1Co 13:4 ¶ Love is never tired of waiting; love is kind;
love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; (BBE)
1Co 13:5 Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for
itself; it is not quickly made angry, it takes no account of evil; (BBE)
1Co 13:6 It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in
what is true; (BBE)
1Co 13:7 Love has the power of undergoing all things, having
faith in all things, hoping all things. (BBE)
1Co 13:8 ¶ Though the prophet's word may come to an end,
tongues come to nothing, and knowledge have no more value, love has no end.
(BBE)
We can see from the above passage that there is no mention
of dates, romance, chemistry, fondness, and speeches. Just a list of dos from
God. God knowing very well what the end time shall be reduced to superficialism
made it very clear in what he has mentioned in his word.
Now you know the truth, Love as we knew it had its place but
the word of God says when that which is perfect is come that which is imperfect
even though good will be done away with. Embrace the love of God. I rest my
case. On a very good day.
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